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Some handy uses for unwanted SUPs

Ok it is about time that we at The Surf Nomad told you what we think about SUPs. Don’t worry, it won’t take long.  We think they are shit. See?

Ok, now you are probably asking saying “Hang on, the dudes at The Surf Nomad are sposed to be mellow cruisers that love all aspects of surfing and are all about riding anything. Why are you guys so down on SUPs”

Now all that is true but, as far as we can tell, there are pretty much 2 main usage cases for SUPs and neither of them are acceptable.

SUP Usage Case 1.
The Menace.

More often than not SUPs are ridden by guys that have spent precious little time surfing on anything let alone a boat that is capable of killing people.  Barely able to stand on the damned things in flat water, these guys inevitably fall off them in front of the set of the day, blowing the wave for someone that could have actually ridden it and sending their piece of crap careening through the lineup taking off the heads of everyone in its wake.

SUPs ridden by guys like this should be confiscated and turned into something useful like styrofoam packaging for Chinese sex toys.

SUP Usage case 2.
The Hog

When ridden by someone that can ride them, SUPs are giant, unwieldy surf craft that are capable of getting all the waves at a given break . You know the guy right? He has his game face on and paddles way out past everyone else gets into the sets much earlier than even a log rider can and then just trims that bitch all the way to the sand. He then spins around and gets straight back out there and picks off the next set and the next and the next. Nobody likes a greedy prick especially one that abuses his paddling advantage to the detriment of everyone else in the water.

These wave hogging douche bags should skinned alive and made into bean bag chairs stuffed with the ground up blank from their SUP.

ACCEPTABLE SUP USAGE EXCEPTIONS

With all rules there are exceptions and we see those as the following:

Acceptable SUP usage case 1.

Laird Hamilton charging Malibu pier in the biggest swell of the 2014 summer.  Laird Hamilton was most likely born of the union of Poseidon the Sea God and a mortal woman. Normal Rules do not apply to surf demigods.

Acceptable SUP usage case 2.

Garrett McNamara receiving a salt water enema at Cloud Break. Firstly it takes gigantic balls to ride Cloudbreak at this size, on anything. Secondly To do it back side on a SUP you have to be crazy as well. Thirdly he broke his board thus ridding the world of another SUP. Props Garret! The Surf Nomad loves your work.

Acceptable SUP usage case 3.

And then there is this crazy Frenchman Fred Compagnon. We don’t even know what to say about this one. As stated above we pretty much hate SUPs. What we didn’t tell you is we are not too crazy about Alaias either which is a story for another day.

Anyway back to Fred. This nut case takes both SUP and Alaia riding to a whole new level and he couldn’t give a shit who it kills in the process including, we believe, himself. Keep at it Fred but please don’t ever do this when The Surf Nomad is in the lineup.